Fruit flies: an exchange

Dear Doc Lang,
The New York Times reports scientific findings
that male fruit flies who are sexually inept
turn to alcohol more than the ones who are
successful seducers. So I want to know how do
I get rid of these drunk losers? They're always
sneaking into my place and acting up, getting
in my face. Is there any wine they don't like?
Bothered

Dear Bothered,
Alcoholics drink anything (even Yellowtail).
What you should do is, before going to bed,
leave some wine (or even apple cider vinegar)
in a glass placed by a light. They'll dive in,
but fruit flies can't swim. Next morning you'll
find them floating dead in the glass.
Doc Lang